Category Archives: Uncategorized

Distance

Personal, Uncategorized

Ola left yesterday and will be gone for 3 weeks. This is the longest we been separated since I don’t know when and I spent yesterday evening with feeling sorry for myself. Worst part is that things rapidly start feeling pointless, like “why get up in the morning?” “why make dinner?” and so on. I hate it, I hate myself for letting it happen, but it does. When it is as its worst, I feel a bit like Carol in Polanski’s “, with my life falling apart around me.
Luckily, I’ve finally find something to spend my time on. A week ago I started volunteering for an orphanage. It’s not really an orphanage, it’s this evangelist pastor and his family who are hosting 12 boys, ages 12-18. Some of the boys are truly orphans, and have been living on the street, but a few of them has been separated by court order from their families. I help them to lear English. It’s just 2 and a half hour in the morning, but it gives me a reason to get out of bed, and I can spend plenty of time after my scheduled hours to make stuff for the lessons. I started with cutting 800 flashcards and I’m currently working on a family tree so the can practice family relation words. It’s fun and rewarding and I love it.

But yes, being alone like this makes me sad and extra home sick. I don’t walk around longing to go back home to Sweden, but I really miss it sometimes. Especially now when my Facebook feed is full of barbecue pictures and questions about joining picnics, go out clubbing and swimming in the archipelago . Plus, here it’s only twilight for about 30 minutes and then it’s dark at 6.30pm, no matter what time of the year and that makes me fucking sad in heart and soul! The thing I miss most is sitting in a park, with friends, drinking beer and watching the sun take forever to go down. My mom is nice and sends me pictures now and then of the garden with small updates of what they’ve been doing. My sister keeps me in the loop about her sons, but sometimes it just isn’t enough. Thank god for Skype, I don’t know what I would have done without it. Yesterday I and my youngest nephew played peek-a-boo for a while and his big brother actually knows who I am, recognizes me and isn’t shy when I visit.

The worst part with living away is that when you have an argument, it’s so very much harder to resolve. There’s a lack of motivation. I know, I know, it sounds horrible and everyone keeps telling me that “real friendship will survive the distance” but that is not true. It’s not. I’ve lost contact with so many friends. I have them still on Facebook, but that’s it. If it wasn’t for Facebook, I would have lost even more. And I refuse to say that we weren’t really friends! Because we were. But every friendship is different, some do need updates more often than others, many need physical updates. A text now and then just isn’t enough. And I also know now that you can’t really predict which friendships that will fade and which ones that will remain strong. And there are people that I barely hanged out with when living in Sweden that I talk to more now and are have high priority when I visit. I try not to mourn to much over the ones I lost on the way, but I do.
It breaks my heart.

Slug

Uncategorized

It’s bad news week.

First, I won’t be able to study on distance to Sweden. Because if you want to study any higher education (which you can do on distance) you need certain grades and points which I don’t have since I’m a drop out. To read up these points I need to go to Komvuxm which is completely financed by tax money, i.e. I need to be paying tax in Sweden=I need to be written as living in Sweden. I can study on my own, but to do the written exams I need to be written in Sweden. No way around it. Except this test, högskoleprovet, which you can take, in Sweden, (and a few places in Europe) one day in the spring and one day in the fall. Very specific dates, you have to sign up for it months ahead and it costs around 300SEK. If I score enough, I can get in on that score instead of the grades. But that means I’ll have to time a trip to Sweden and that’s not cheap.

Second, my nephew has been sick and ended up at the ER with respiratory problems. He’s better now, but now, third, my grandma is at the ER instead, probably with a stroke.

And tomorrow, or on Saturday, I don’t even know, Ola’s off to Brazil for 10 days.

I feel uninspired to even get dressed today.

Anxiety of today

Personal, Uncategorized

Too big portions at the restaurants, and other guests ordering meat dishes. The world is starving, species go extinct and we deforest so we can plant soy to feed cows.

Planing a trip to the Galapagos islands. I KNOW eco turism is still damaging for the enviroment, but if we don’t go, the islands won’t generate tourism money and the habitants will have to live on fishing industry. Or do I imagine this?

Being in Europe. I don’t do shit of importance here, I should be home. Flights adding to general enviroment catastrophy, me not using my white rich privilege money and time to look at shops instead of saving dying children.

Browsed internet and found cool artist people that used to hang at the same café as me 12 years ago. I can’t do what they do, i fucking mediocre at everything.

I have an insane amount of photos i should sort and a blog I should write in and do neither. I might be cool and succeful if i did, but I don’t. I lack ambition.

I’m in Berlin. Why don’t i live here? Everybody are cool here and the have a club life and fun EVERY SINGLE DAY! I live in the middle of nowhere (club-wise) and will DIE without EVER AGAIN WEAR a too short dress in shiny material.

WTF IS WRONG WITH ME??? i live in Ecuador and have a 1000 oppertunities to do something that matters and change lives just outside my door and I want to go clubbing? I’m a shallow privileged bitch!

Eurotrip

Moving, Quito, Travel, Uncategorized

Recap time!

The antique/dump place was as good as I wanted but didn’t dare to hope for! Chairs, sofas, tables, frames, mirrors, toys, books, knickknacks, small boxes filled with clock faces/cogs/keys/etc and you name it, en masse! Evreything was covered by a fine layer of dust and in the backyard they were building new furniture! It was awesome! We found a little sofa in wood, a sofa table and a few small things and I was very happy and want to return as soon as I can. Today I found and now I need a ladder and some folding chairs. And damn me if I’m getting new ones!
Later, that same Saturday, we went over to new friends, J&C, who we got in contact with through our (mine and Ola’s) Spanishc teacher in Chicago. Just when the cab left us and drove away, I realized that my phone was still in it. But Ola was the saviour, as usual, and with the help of Finding my IPhone, C and another cab driver, they got my phone back, after just around 30 minutes pursuit. Meanwhile, me and J had started drinking. 3 bottles of red, some kind of local baileys and rum later, Ola and I took a cab home, around 11.30-12. During the Sunday we didn’t do much. Ola nursed a hang over, I was bored.

Monday. Traveling started. We landed in London Tuesday afternoon, got to the hotel, dumped stuff, went to the London TW office, got an invitation to launch, which we didn’t knew about before, but was really interesting. I’ve heard, read and seen the speakers on YouTube before, but it is another thing to see them IRL. It brings context on a whole other level to sit 10 meters from a Jesselyn Radack, who talked about how she exposed torture and the breaking of national and international law and therefore had lost her job and became blacklisted. “Radioactive” as was the word she chose. And she, by far, didn’t have the worst experience. After that, it was pub and, finally, food. Had good company at the table, talked a bit to Annie Machon & Ray Govern, who reminded me of John Hurt when he played the Doctor. He laughed when I told him.

Wednesday. Woke up with av face that felt sore, Ola long gone to the office. Rambled around Oxford and Cavendish Street, spent £60 + on Illamasqua make up, had a small anxiety attac over the money spent, walked up to Selfridges, looking for a watch for Ola, took the train back to Holborn, looked for Ola at the office. I had apparently just missed him. Continued to Forbidden Planet, asked for TOME, they didn’t have it, walked around West End some more, back to the office (Ola still gone) and then met up with Missy T at Russel Square. I haven’t seen her since the good-bye party before we moved to Chicago 4 years ago. Fun time. Then finally, Ola is done with work and we two take a walk up to King’s Cross and our old water hole, Mediterraneo. A good thing when you go to or order from the same place 2-3 times/week for 6 months is that when you come back, 6 years later, they still remembers you. We chitchatted a bit, and got garlic bread on the house with the food and a glass of limoncello with the check.
Then we headed over to Brixton, more precicely to , the workplace of Missy T’s husband whom I’ve never met before. Unfortunately Missy T couldn’t come by. But we had a good time anyway, and I’d really recommend the place. The Crown & Anchor’s thing is to never get more than one barrel of each beer and then swap it out for something else.

Thursday. Slightly hung over, met up with Sharkbait for a late and long lunch. Walked around some more, met with Ola and showed him the watches that I liked. He liked one, but it had a leather as the wrist band. Early dinner in Soho, at the vegetarian pub where I had a burger. I ALWAYS go for the burger if I can eat it. Most often when there’s a burger, it’s soy based and I can’t have it. Sad sad.

Friday. Rise and shine at 4.30am. First thing at the air port, 6.20: “Your flight is canceled. We have rebooked everyone on the next flight to Hamburg, at 10.55.” Ola flipped, since he’d miss the meeting which was our only reason to go to Hamburg. Of course, on top, the flight we got on was delayed for about 30 min. But as soon as we got in the air, I fell asleep. In Hamburg Ola got to the meeting in time for the last 40 min, meanwhile, I ate. Came to the hotel and slept until Ola woke me for dinner. Back at the hotel I crashed around 8.30.

Saturday. Got to sleep for around 11h, had breakfast and coffee, went to the train station, had more coffee, got on the train, fell asleep whiten 5 minutes and woke up in Berlin. I’ve have been out some today, went to checkpoint Charlie and looked at the wall. My hip hurts when I walk and I don’t feel in an ideal mood for touristing tomorrow. But at least I’m (mostly) staying atop of the coma with coffee.

Whoop!

Uncategorized

Today a dream is coming true! Soon, very soon, La Jefa is picking us upp and driving us to that furniture second hand/dump place outside Cumbayá! I have no idea how it is, but considering I’ve been looking forward to this since December, I do hope it’s good! Even a small but nagging headache can kill the excitement!

OH! She’s here now!

Tiny steps

Moving, Quito, Uncategorized

I really need to get better on updating. I used to be really good at this, once, about 10 years ago. I wrote entries almost every day.

Anyway. I came back to Quito about 3 weeks ago and haven’t done much since. But after many delays and random shit, we’ve got a few bookshelves. We found them at . Finding furniture is a little bit tricky when you’re from Sweden and very used to buy everything and anything at IKEA. But there’s no IKEA in the whole of South America. Vivi told me it’s because Kamprad thinks the taxes are too high. I don’t know about how true that is, but it makes life hard. It doesn’t make it easier that the most popular style here seems to be bombastic and showy, lot of big leather couches, glass- and marble tables, massive wood stuff and things like that.
I want to go and look at furniture at the Santa Clara market, but I am not comfortable to go the by myself, being a girl, not speaking the language and looking very gringa. And for the last 2 weekends, the office has had events which have had Ola working. And on Sundays, most stores in the market are closed. But hopefully, next weekend, we’ll be able to go not only there, but also to Cumbayá! We’ve heard about a second hand/furniture dump store there that sounds pretty interesting. I have been wanting to go there since December!
Then there’s a stretch of street with a lot of stores that sells a few minutes with a car away from here. Another place I’m not comfortable walking alone. But it would be nice if we found another bookshelf there, the one we already bought is ok, but could be a little wider.

Ola has been working hard in his room now for a while, with music equipment and i million of cords and whatnot. Hopefully he’s happy with the result. Maybe we can move the whiteboard in there today and get it out from the hallway… And maybe, maybe we can start looking where to put all our frames and and wall decor

On the road again

Sweden, Travel, Uncategorized

Ugh. My shoulders and back hurts like I’ve been trekking  with a huge backpack. I’m in a bad need of a massage.  Unfortunately, massages are one of the things Ola’s not good at… I just left him at Gothenburg’s central station and I’m now sitting on a train to Scania. Free wi-fi all the way down. Good stuff.

 

Christmas has been real nice, as it always is my in-laws and extended family. They live on the countryside on Sweden’s west coast, next to the sea, amidst farms and fields. An insane amount of food, washed down with mulled wine and . This was the last year we celebrated christmas in the house Ola grew up in, his parents have sold it to a cousin and build a smaller house farther to the sea. So I raided the barn on stuff the’ll be throwing away and I must say, I am impressed with how much I was able to push down in my luggage. In my bags I now have a cotton candy maker (which I bought in Sweden but it doesn’t work in Ecuador, so I’m giving it to my sister), 2 bottles of wine and a mortar (christmas gifts), 2 flatirons (on from the fifties, older), a hand drill, long as my forearm and with wooden handle, one copper pot on three legs with a little cup, also with legs, one big bottle, maybe 2liters and one wooden moose, also from the fifties. Good thing my sister is on her way to Scania with a car. Unfortunately I couldn’t bring the window frames with me, but my sister and her bbf are talking about doing a road trip to pick them up. One person’s junk, another one’s treasure.

It was nice to get some rest, now with Scania, the friend and family tour really begins. This time I’m spending a totalt of 4 days in south Sweden, which is one more day than usual, so I’m a little less stressed. But, normally I have my schedule done before I arrive. But I’ve been too exhausted, I haven’t even started to make it. But I’m not that worried, my friends are understanding to my lack of time and try to be flexible. Which is needed, 5-6 friends+my grandma and my cousins family and a birthday celebration in 3 full days and 2 half days is nothing you manage without some help.